1. You must be a man. Sorry...
2. You must be a man okay with being a man married to another man -- some define this as "Out of the Closet."
3. You must be able to speak english.
4. No mustaches.
5. You must be able to tolerate some amount of random bursting into song.
6. Wash your hair.
7. Own more than one pair of jeans.
8. Not have a unibrow.
9. Pick up nuggets off of D-Hall's floor for me...
10. Not have a firecrotch.

I'm going to continue a little bit of my 300 reasons first..... and even before that I'm going to comment on the above 10 and point out how I didn't even follow my own guidelines. They were supposed to be the reasons I WON'T marry you. So I basically just screwed myself over by saying everything I did. Soo... I'm going to correct them and then do another 10. And then talk about my life a little. And hope someone IMs me, too, 'cause I'm bored down here.

1. If you're a woman.
2. If you're a man who's not okay being married to another man.
3. Someone who can't speak english.
4. No mustaches.
5. You hate on me for randomly bursting into song (unless it's lovingly hating... but maybe not even that)
6. You don't wash your hair.
7. You don't own more than one pair of jeans.
8. You have a unibrow.
9. If you wouldn't pick up nuggets off of D-Hall's floor for me... and it'd be even better if you ate them just for kicks.
10. If you have a firecrotch.

Moving on.

11. If you're too scared to go skydiving. Or other awesome stuff.
12. The sight of blood makes you queasy.
13. You take too long to do your hair/get ready.
14. You want to live near your parents.
15. You have no goals.
16. You have too many goals.
17. You're unable to understand sarcasm?
18. Or worse: You think you understand sarcasm and really don't.
19. You talk too much.
20. You don't talk enough.

I noticed a trend there at the end. I'm never going to be able to marry someone. :(

Anyway, I'm in Texas!!!!!! At my sister's. Whose internet doesn't work with my computer so I can't play all those ridiculously nerdy games that everyone who (really) knows me makes fun of me for playing. WELL. It's been a few sad days as I've felt the effects of withdrawal and such, but I think I'm finally getting over it. I've started doing cleaning for my sister and unpacking boxes and stuff... me being productive? I know, it's a shocker. THAT'S how bored I am? Nah. I mean, it can get sort of boring here, but it's AWESOME! Let me just start by quoting my favorite nephew quote so far. I have four nephews, but I'm only with three in Texas. Spencer, Travis, and Nathaniel. Spencer is the oldest and so forth; 5, 3, 1 is how the ages go I think. (My fourth nephew is Joshua, he's my other sister's kid... a little younger than Travis and older than Nathaniel... almost 2 now, I think?)

Heheh. So, Travis is obsessed with Thomas the Train. I mean, what kid of 3 years old isn't? But his birthday was a few days ago (a few days after mine, in June, which is ALWAYS a good month for a birthday!) and that's when he turned 3. His grandparents were visiting (not my parents, the others, and this is what happened...)

Grandma: Travis, look, I brought you a birthday present!
Travis: Thomas!
Grandma: That's right! Here!
Grandpa: Hey Travis! Happy Birthday! How old are you now?
Travis: ...
Grandpa: Are you three?!
Travis: No.
Grandpa: You're not?
Travis: No.
Grandpa: Then how old are you?
Travis: ...I one.
Me: Travis, you're not one. You're three!
Travis: I not three! I one! Thomas one. I one.

...apparently this has been going on for awhile now. Thomas doesn't actually have an age. He has a train number on the side of him. Which is one. So who knows. Maybe Travis will be one forever.

Next story is about Joshua. Who I'm not with in Texas, but I was for awhile in Utah....... Joshua knows only a few words. And a lot of them he knows in sign language because he watches this awesome sign language show he loves. I'm totally a fan. He's gonna be bilingual when he grows up at this rate?! So yeah. But one of the words with no sign language, except a pointing finger, is "Owie." He's about ready for dinner the first day he's there... but something hurt him all the time when he sat down. We're about to eat dinner and we set Joshua in his chair and he starts whining. So we asked him what was wrong...

Me: Joshua, what's wrong? It's dinner time!
Joshua: Ahajwwejroamf... (whine/crying)... owie... owie...
Me: Aw, Joshua, it's okay. You don't have to sit in the chair for very long! Just for dinner! Where's your owie? I can kiss it better.
Joshua: *pointing* Owie bum. Owie bum.
Me: ...
Joshua: Owie bum..

He was waiting for that kiss all night. Jeeeeeze. Not what any of us were expecting. He kept it up the whole time he was there (when he remembered he had the owie) and it was definitely some good table entertainment. I've been having a boring summer otherwise, though... so I decided to write a Livejournal update! Noone reads it but it feels kinda good to write something! And maybe someday I can fill in random real journal dates with this stuff. I could also do that with my myspace if I ever remember the password. Ahaha. These internet sites aren't so bad after all. As long as they're still around when we're old and we can show our kids all the dumb stuff we did.

http://theoriginalscrapbox.com

This is for my sister Anna who wants this cool desk organizer for her scrapbooking! It has lots of bins and shelves to put all of your coolest scrapbooking materials. She is an avid scrapbooker who scrapbooks about all of our family - they're pretty cute! (As most of you who read my blog already know.) I think it's pretty cool! You should get one too!


Here it is again! Do it for real!

Oh and if you work for theoriginalscrapbox, you're probably one of the coolest people EVER.

http://theoriginalscrapbox.com

This is for my sister Anna who wants this cool desk organizer for her scrapbooking! It has lots of bins and shelves to put all of your coolest scrapbooking materials. She is an avid scrapbooker who scrapbooks about all of our family - they're pretty cute! (As most of you who read my blog already know.) I think it's pretty cool! You should get one too!


Here it is again! Do it for real!

http://theoriginalscrapbox.com

This is for my sister Anna who wants this cool desk organizer for her scrapbooking! It has lots of bins and shelves to put all of your coolest scrapbooking materials. She is an avid scrapbooker who scrapbooks about all of our family - they're pretty cute! (As most of you who read my blog already know.) I think it's pretty cool! You should get one too!


Here it is again! Do it for real!

http://theoriginalscrapbox.com

This is for my sister Anna who wants this cool desk organizer for her scrapbooking! It has lots of bins and shelves to put all of your coolest scrapbooking materials. She is an avid scrapbooker who scrapbooks about all of our family - they're pretty cute! (As most of you who read my blog already know.) I think it's pretty cool! You should get one too!

So, after a grand day of getting told I have a mental block and need to get over myself (thank you David Newman) and sleeping through my art class... I was very excited to start frolicking in D-Hall with the very well-known Shannon Kingett. Yes, Tina. Not only did I get to hear some of the most epic innovative lyrics of the year, see Sarah Smith run into the back of a girl's chair without us noticing she did it (Yes... Sarah... we saw), but I got to see the cutest 7-year of the century -- with a hot big brother. We're not sure if they're actually related, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that when the child dropped his chicken nuggets, simply standing there sadly and staring (and SO cute), the HOT big brother bent down to pick them up immediately and said, "It's okay, buddy, I'll go get you some new ones."

I think I saw Shannon's eyes bulge out of her head. Love. At first sight. They talk about it in the movies, sometimes you can read about it in books (if you read...), but not many get to witness a revelation of True Love right before their eyes. I did.

It was...... well, there are no words. Except, obviously: It was tight.

On our glorious walk back to the Music Building, in a world filled with sunshine and rainbows, Shannon and I decided that she was getting married to said HOT big brother. We didn't yet know his name, his major, or if he really even went to JMU...... but we are determined to find out. Mission April '09. (Reminiscent of Mission December '06 for those of you tight people who know what's up.)

Get Shannon Married.

Anyway... that's for another time. When we meet HBB again and when we have a perfect chance to seize the day. Or the rest of Shannon's days on this earth, as it may be... but yes. Moving on. First, as Shannon and I have discussed, before one can get married... one must compile a list of things that are unacceptable in a man to marry. Otherwise, how the fuck are you supposed to know if you're going to be happy at all?!

So...

Here it begins:

(So far I only have about 10, but just give me a day or two... I'll come up with 290 more.)

1. You must be a man. Sorry...
2. You must be a man okay with being a man married to another man -- some define this as "Out of the Closet."
3. You must be able to speak english.
4. No mustaches.
5. You must be able to tolerate some amount of random bursting into song.
6. Wash your hair.
7. Own more than one pair of jeans.
8. Not have a unibrow.
9. Pick up nuggets off of D-Hall's floor for me...
10. Not have a firecrotch.

So, recently, there's been a new-found craze among college students across the nation. Well, I'm not sure how extensive it is, but it's definitely extremely prevalent in the JMU society. It's called the "Biddy." I prefer "Biddy" to "Biddie" or "Bittie" because... well... when you make it into a plural, say, "Biddys" -- it just works better. A true "Biddy" wouldn't know how to spell or properly pluralize something, so why should we spell their name right? We shouldn't. That's the point. And each "Biddy" is easily recognized by a few... "club trademarks."

Fashion is always a worry among growing women who are trying to find their identity as they approach the age of 21 and meet men that they might potentially be able to settle down with for a good portion of their lifetime. The only problems with this are that talking about "fashion" to college girls is like... asking a 10-year-old boy what a tampon is. The "Biddy" fashionistas of the campus (whoever they are... perhaps God) dictate to all others exactly what should be bought and how it should be worn. Kind of like how an older sister tentatively explains to her brother what that smell is coming from the trashcan in the bathroom. And here's the current list I've compiled of what these so-called "Biddys" are wearing around JMU in 2009:

"Uggs" - There are these furry, boot-looking slipper-things called Uggs (made in Australia?? WTF??) and, of course, one cannot traverse the quad without at least one pair. They are "comfy" and provide you with a simple, easy slip-on pair of kangaroo feet. Seriously, most girls wearing these look like they belong in the Outback. That's why they come from Australia. Who'd ever have thought that we'd be making the aboriginees (I think that's what they're called, right?) rich?

"Northface" - Jackets. Jackets come in almost as many shapes and sizes as pasta (though that could be debatable). One might want a large jacket, a nice-looking jacket (sometimes called "peacoats" or other different euphemisms...), a light windbreaking jacket, etc. But at JMU, one always wants a Northface. Here's the thing. They don't look any different than your next jacket. Unless, of course, you get an ACTUAL Northface (which, I must say, they do make some legitimate jackets for those who are looking for the super-sized, small heater included kind of deal), but... most of these Biddys are getting a nice little Northface "fleece" which does nothing but put out a small little logo of three lines to the world... oh and the idea that you can buy one of these. Tight.

Last, but not least, every TRUE Biddie will have dyed, blonde hair. Even if you're an actual blonde, you must still dye the hair. A fake, but obviously purposeful attempt at having blonde hair is the most essential trait of Biddyism.

Now, you can be one too. But please, remember, we do not support the shiny, gold pair of Uggs. It's either dark brown, light brown, or black. Or the new grey ones that you can fold over with buttons. Those are tight, too.

Insomniac Night #2 was cured with http://www.languageisavirus.com/cgi-bin/madlibs.pl

...and other exciting and completely useless activities found using Stumbleupon.com.

I'm really bad at posting in this on a regular basis, but I update it every now and then... it's kinda fun... and it's just for you, Renee, since Kel never made one!!! That bitch. She also didn't call me back like she was supposed to. After she told me I'm the horrible caller..... grr.

So I've recently been cursed with insomnia. I'm not exactly sure why, but it totally sucks. A lot. Like, basically, I just feel like a zombie half the time and I feel like I want to be a zombie the other half of the time. Not every day, but... it's getting there.

Anyway, so I have to wake up in 7 hours to finish my theatre homework... and... I'm probably not even going to fall asleep for another hour or two. Meanwhile, I'll exhaust all facebook stalking possible, even though I swear I STILL stalk it less than half of my friends. But yeah, it gets boring to me after about a half hour... or less...

And then I'll IM random people, or scroll through my phone and thinka bout texting random people... maybe do a little more homework... try to sleep a little more...

I think it's driven by the fact that I think I know everything (which I usually do)... and the fact that I know I don't really know anything. Like, shit, I know I'm right when it comes down to it most of the time... but I'm right according to my own set of life rules or morals or whatever you wanna call them.

And it's hard to judge others' morals/life when you haven't lived it yourself. Because people constantly do that shit to me and I realize it gets me so upset.

But if you don't judge somewhat, then you have no gradient and people just think they can do whatever the fuck they want. And they can't. Or they shouldn't be able to. It's a fine, fine line. (So goes the saying...)

I just miss my best friends.

So, yeah, I can gossip quite a bit at times, and it's fine... really... I'm okay with it. The difference between my gossiping and others' gossiping is that mine is never intended to do harm-- in fact, it could hardly ever do harm. I gossip about what people do and what I think about it. I don't gossip about how someone's nose is disproportional to their eyes. If someone is way too fat. I mean, we already know these things to be true, so the only reason you're saying it is because it's already there. So yes, what I prefer to gossip about and discuss are events... shady events... such as who is hooking up with who and trying to keep it a secret. And also, secondly, the only things that I claim to know are things I actually know. I don't make up stories about people to gossip. I gossip about what is actually, truly going on.

And here's why it's not my fault if you're upset about me gossiping. Sure, you can say I'm only trying to shove blame off because I always think I'm right, but honestly... I don't really care if you think I'm wrong or if I'm right... I'm not the one doing the shit that's got you all upset. I usually just end up being the one that it gets taken out on. For example, you (some guy) make out with some girl at a party. But really, you're hooking up with that guy that's in your study group in english class because he keeps giving you those weird looks. So I pick up on it and I sit around and I find out-- from the guy you're hooking up with-- that it's true. So I tell a few people because it's HILARIOUS.

Now here's where it turns into my fault... but... why the fuck are you doing it if you're ashamed of it? Okay, and then let's move to the point where, if you're doing it even though you're ashamed of it, and it's because society might judge you, how does that make it my fault for talking about it...like I said, only talking?? You're the one doing it. You're the one who's obvious about it. I'm not going around telling your parents you're gay and you worship the devil. I'm not making anything up. I'm just commenting on what IS. What's there. What you're doing... not me. So I'm ruining your life? No-- you're ruining your own life.

If you don't wanna be found out for doing something, then don't do it. Or do it better. Maybe if the purpose of my talking was to make you feel like shit-- say I put on some billboard in the center of campus a picture of you making out with another boy... maybe that would be a horrible thing to do. But talking about what I see. Laughing about what you're doing or what is happening due to YOUR actions. Fuck that. It's your fault, not mine. I'll take the blame for putting it out in the open, but to me, that's the right thing to do. Be proud of who you are.

Disclaimer: I didn't actually ruin anyone's life... or have this situation happen at all... I just hate when you talk about that "secret" and someone says you're being a bitch for "gossiping" about it. This is my take on it. If you don't want something gossiped about, don't do it. IF it is gossiped about, then it's your own fault. You let it slip up somehow. (Unless it's a lie... but I was only talking about true situations.)

The Ten Reasons why I Hate Renee:

1. She's pushy
2. She's mean
3. She made me make a LiveJournal, though I'll probably forgive her for this eventually
4. She married a hispanic
5. She's slacking off in finding me a husband
6. She lives in California
7. She lives in California
8. She's smarter than me
9. She knows she's smarter than me
10. She lives in California -- and I don't

I will tag her in this post eventually... once I figure out how.