snyderdc (snyderdc) wrote,

300 Reasons I Won't Marry You

So, after a grand day of getting told I have a mental block and need to get over myself (thank you David Newman) and sleeping through my art class... I was very excited to start frolicking in D-Hall with the very well-known Shannon Kingett. Yes, Tina. Not only did I get to hear some of the most epic innovative lyrics of the year, see Sarah Smith run into the back of a girl's chair without us noticing she did it (Yes... Sarah... we saw), but I got to see the cutest 7-year of the century -- with a hot big brother. We're not sure if they're actually related, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that when the child dropped his chicken nuggets, simply standing there sadly and staring (and SO cute), the HOT big brother bent down to pick them up immediately and said, "It's okay, buddy, I'll go get you some new ones."

I think I saw Shannon's eyes bulge out of her head. Love. At first sight. They talk about it in the movies, sometimes you can read about it in books (if you read...), but not many get to witness a revelation of True Love right before their eyes. I did.

It was...... well, there are no words. Except, obviously: It was tight.

On our glorious walk back to the Music Building, in a world filled with sunshine and rainbows, Shannon and I decided that she was getting married to said HOT big brother. We didn't yet know his name, his major, or if he really even went to JMU...... but we are determined to find out. Mission April '09. (Reminiscent of Mission December '06 for those of you tight people who know what's up.)

Get Shannon Married.

Anyway... that's for another time. When we meet HBB again and when we have a perfect chance to seize the day. Or the rest of Shannon's days on this earth, as it may be... but yes. Moving on. First, as Shannon and I have discussed, before one can get married... one must compile a list of things that are unacceptable in a man to marry. Otherwise, how the fuck are you supposed to know if you're going to be happy at all?!


Here it begins:

(So far I only have about 10, but just give me a day or two... I'll come up with 290 more.)

1. You must be a man. Sorry...
2. You must be a man okay with being a man married to another man -- some define this as "Out of the Closet."
3. You must be able to speak english.
4. No mustaches.
5. You must be able to tolerate some amount of random bursting into song.
6. Wash your hair.
7. Own more than one pair of jeans.
8. Not have a unibrow.
9. Pick up nuggets off of D-Hall's floor for me...
10. Not have a firecrotch.

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