Insomnia

I'm really bad at posting in this on a regular basis, but I update it every now and then... it's kinda fun... and it's just for you, Renee, since Kel never made one!!! That bitch. She also didn't call me back like she was supposed to. After she told me I'm the horrible caller..... grr.

So I've recently been cursed with insomnia. I'm not exactly sure why, but it totally sucks. A lot. Like, basically, I just feel like a zombie half the time and I feel like I want to be a zombie the other half of the time. Not every day, but... it's getting there.

Anyway, so I have to wake up in 7 hours to finish my theatre homework... and... I'm probably not even going to fall asleep for another hour or two. Meanwhile, I'll exhaust all facebook stalking possible, even though I swear I STILL stalk it less than half of my friends. But yeah, it gets boring to me after about a half hour... or less...

And then I'll IM random people, or scroll through my phone and thinka bout texting random people... maybe do a little more homework... try to sleep a little more...

I think it's driven by the fact that I think I know everything (which I usually do)... and the fact that I know I don't really know anything. Like, shit, I know I'm right when it comes down to it most of the time... but I'm right according to my own set of life rules or morals or whatever you wanna call them.

And it's hard to judge others' morals/life when you haven't lived it yourself. Because people constantly do that shit to me and I realize it gets me so upset.

But if you don't judge somewhat, then you have no gradient and people just think they can do whatever the fuck they want. And they can't. Or they shouldn't be able to. It's a fine, fine line. (So goes the saying...)

I just miss my best friends.

Gossip

So, yeah, I can gossip quite a bit at times, and it's fine... really... I'm okay with it. The difference between my gossiping and others' gossiping is that mine is never intended to do harm-- in fact, it could hardly ever do harm. I gossip about what people do and what I think about it. I don't gossip about how someone's nose is disproportional to their eyes. If someone is way too fat. I mean, we already know these things to be true, so the only reason you're saying it is because it's already there. So yes, what I prefer to gossip about and discuss are events... shady events... such as who is hooking up with who and trying to keep it a secret. And also, secondly, the only things that I claim to know are things I actually know. I don't make up stories about people to gossip. I gossip about what is actually, truly going on.

And here's why it's not my fault if you're upset about me gossiping. Sure, you can say I'm only trying to shove blame off because I always think I'm right, but honestly... I don't really care if you think I'm wrong or if I'm right... I'm not the one doing the shit that's got you all upset. I usually just end up being the one that it gets taken out on. For example, you (some guy) make out with some girl at a party. But really, you're hooking up with that guy that's in your study group in english class because he keeps giving you those weird looks. So I pick up on it and I sit around and I find out-- from the guy you're hooking up with-- that it's true. So I tell a few people because it's HILARIOUS.

Now here's where it turns into my fault... but... why the fuck are you doing it if you're ashamed of it? Okay, and then let's move to the point where, if you're doing it even though you're ashamed of it, and it's because society might judge you, how does that make it my fault for talking about it...like I said, only talking?? You're the one doing it. You're the one who's obvious about it. I'm not going around telling your parents you're gay and you worship the devil. I'm not making anything up. I'm just commenting on what IS. What's there. What you're doing... not me. So I'm ruining your life? No-- you're ruining your own life.

If you don't wanna be found out for doing something, then don't do it. Or do it better. Maybe if the purpose of my talking was to make you feel like shit-- say I put on some billboard in the center of campus a picture of you making out with another boy... maybe that would be a horrible thing to do. But talking about what I see. Laughing about what you're doing or what is happening due to YOUR actions. Fuck that. It's your fault, not mine. I'll take the blame for putting it out in the open, but to me, that's the right thing to do. Be proud of who you are.

Disclaimer: I didn't actually ruin anyone's life... or have this situation happen at all... I just hate when you talk about that "secret" and someone says you're being a bitch for "gossiping" about it. This is my take on it. If you don't want something gossiped about, don't do it. IF it is gossiped about, then it's your own fault. You let it slip up somehow. (Unless it's a lie... but I was only talking about true situations.)

I hate Renee

The Ten Reasons why I Hate Renee:

1. She's pushy
2. She's mean
3. She made me make a LiveJournal, though I'll probably forgive her for this eventually
4. She married a hispanic
5. She's slacking off in finding me a husband
6. She lives in California
7. She lives in California
8. She's smarter than me
9. She knows she's smarter than me
10. She lives in California -- and I don't

I will tag her in this post eventually... once I figure out how.